Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Clean Slate

Things just haven't been right in the universe for quite some time now, and ignoring this fact I've trudged along not enjoying things the way I used to rather than working on setting things right. When you just don't feel good, nothing makes you happy and the things you used to enjoy just make you more frustrated with this reality. Fortunately there has been a bright spot through all of this in Maddy.

Cycling is one of those things I used to enjoy, but the past two years my body and mind just haven't been on the same path, more like opposite paths that are only getting farther apart. This past weekend was the start of the 'cross season pretty much everywhere across the country. From Oregon to Michigan to Maryland and up to New England, the most devoted 'crossers around broke from their summer shells and made a pilgrimage to the first race of the season. That is, all except me.

I couldn't even stomach the thought of going and just watching. Don't get me wrong, I could have raced, my heart and mind were there but the body is not which the first two can overcome, to a degree. I've decided it's time to try and fix things once and for all or hang up the bikes for good and join the masses hugging my couch for hours on end each weekend watching football or golf.

Fall hasn't come soon enough to cast a long shadow on what will hopefully be history once and for all. Depending on how things progress, I'll hit a few races later in the season when it's cold and miserable outside and ripe for good 'cross conditions. But until then, I've got other plans.


FJ said...

I struggle with a lot of the same things. Having a daughter had changed things a lot for me, much less time to ride, let alone train. Work has gotten much harder and all of this at once was too much to handle for me. I was never a great racer, but I had a few trips to the Sport podium and many close misses, never getting that elusive win, but coming so close on a few occassions.

At this point, I accept that I am not going to be that racer ever again - just no time and not much desire either. I come up with these grand plans for a comeback, but reality never allows for them to come together.

I stopped being frustrated and just started enjoying the time that I do get to ride and race, knowing if I had the time to train, I could get the same results. Expert seems like it will never happen for me, but I have started to accept it.

Racing used to define who I am. Being a Dad now defines who I am. You are a good person and a great dad. I am glad you realize your daughter is the bright beacon in all of this. It is true - - she is the one who matters most of all these days, with your wife being there as well.

Good luck in getting through this. Enjoy riding your bike, stop to look at the leaves, and rush back home to be with Maddie.

Adam said...

get your leg/back/hip/whatever fixed and get out there! :-)

and make sure you're enjoying yourself.